Monday, March 28, 2011
Got too Drunk
I went to go see a band at Lemmon's a few weeks ago. I had already seen them at a basement show. It was nice weather so I got a ride on my friend's scooter to the show. He couldn't stay, and the spring on his kickstand broke. He tried using a tampon string, but ended up using electrical tape off my home-made purse. My friend Sean showed up at the show first(few more people showed up but it was getting blurry early in the afternoon because I drank some rum at home before the show). We split a pitcher and I went to the gas station next door to the buy the cheapest ciggarettes they sold. I was also buying the cheapest beer on tap, PBR, which somehow cost 9 bucks a pitcher. I ended up spending waaaay more than I can remember, maybe 50 or 60 bucks? Also lost track of time, couldn't speak clearly, or walk, or use my hands because they were shaking. I was a wobbly mess. I ended up puking at Uncle Bill's Pancakes for 30 minutes and Sean sent somebody into the bathroom to check on me. I'm glad I made it to the bathroom in time. I went to Masi's house after all that shit. I had to drink some coffee and try to sit still for an hour to sober up. It sort of worked. We went to her boyfriend's brother's house for BBQ. The end.
*Once a month I go binge drinking. It's probably hormonal or bi-polar related
*Once a month I go binge drinking. It's probably hormonal or bi-polar related
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Bad Dreams Last Night
I woke up in my dream, and was in was in a bar trying to find a phone to call my friend. I was really freaked out by the dream I had(dream within a dream), which involved sneaking into someone's house, and then looking for odd grooves in the basement floor to find a hiding spot where my friend had been hiding in. He had faked his own death. When I found him he was really sick looking, muscles atrophied, and had weird dark marking on his shoulders.
My second dream started out with me in bed, getting woken up roughly by my dad. He was trying to kidnap me. I kicked and tried to scream, as he covered my mouth I ran to my moms room and pounded on the door trying to wake her up. No success. I dashed to the front door but couldn't work the lock. After taking a second to clear my head I got it just in time. I ran down the street in my bare feet. There was still some slushly snow on the ground. I chased some old lady asking her to help me, but she was a little dumb.
Eventually I enlisted the help of a couple guys that live down the street. Together we stuffed giant expired brussel sprouts into my dads mouth with some kleenex too, and then ducktaped him together. My friend flirted with me too. What a nice ending. Somehow the dream started with a harassing phone call, some robotic voice told me that something would happen to my sister, and then said "doesn't she work on the second floor of such-and-such medical building?" I said "Leave my sister alone!" I tried to tell her about it but she didn't really care. My family members are always indifferant to trouble in my dreams. Assholes.
My second dream started out with me in bed, getting woken up roughly by my dad. He was trying to kidnap me. I kicked and tried to scream, as he covered my mouth I ran to my moms room and pounded on the door trying to wake her up. No success. I dashed to the front door but couldn't work the lock. After taking a second to clear my head I got it just in time. I ran down the street in my bare feet. There was still some slushly snow on the ground. I chased some old lady asking her to help me, but she was a little dumb.
Eventually I enlisted the help of a couple guys that live down the street. Together we stuffed giant expired brussel sprouts into my dads mouth with some kleenex too, and then ducktaped him together. My friend flirted with me too. What a nice ending. Somehow the dream started with a harassing phone call, some robotic voice told me that something would happen to my sister, and then said "doesn't she work on the second floor of such-and-such medical building?" I said "Leave my sister alone!" I tried to tell her about it but she didn't really care. My family members are always indifferant to trouble in my dreams. Assholes.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Been Busy and Getting Busier
Mailorder: Last week I found an old credit slip from No Idea Records for 5 bucks so I got to order a couple cds and a poster. You'd be surprised what you can get for 5 dollars.
Financial Security: This week I got hired at Steak n Shake doing food prep. I've been happy all day. I even bought a victory dress! It's a strapless black+white polka dot 50s dress with a poofed out skirt and all I need is some nice shoes but knowing me I'll end up wearing platform combat boots or something that doesn't match.
Comics are fun: while I was walking to the library I saw a chick sitting in her car drinking water (it was like 60 degrees) and she looked exactly like Dora from Questionable Content. I discovered a sweet comic zine called King-Cat Classix and checked it out, along with Buddy Does Jersey. I'm almost finished with Buddy Does Seattle.
Exhaustion: I spent 7 1/2 hours cleaning my grandma's house and 3 hours yesterday walking to and from the library. I am ready to get into a hammock and not do stuff for a while. Beer me!
Financial Security: This week I got hired at Steak n Shake doing food prep. I've been happy all day. I even bought a victory dress! It's a strapless black+white polka dot 50s dress with a poofed out skirt and all I need is some nice shoes but knowing me I'll end up wearing platform combat boots or something that doesn't match.
Comics are fun: while I was walking to the library I saw a chick sitting in her car drinking water (it was like 60 degrees) and she looked exactly like Dora from Questionable Content. I discovered a sweet comic zine called King-Cat Classix and checked it out, along with Buddy Does Jersey. I'm almost finished with Buddy Does Seattle.
Exhaustion: I spent 7 1/2 hours cleaning my grandma's house and 3 hours yesterday walking to and from the library. I am ready to get into a hammock and not do stuff for a while. Beer me!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Lesbian Dream
I dreamt I woke up with a lesbian runaway from Costa Rica in my bed. She was a friend online who came to stay with me because she needed to escape her abusive family. My mom told me she couldn't stay with us because she was an illegal immigrant and I said but she can't go back, and we're in love. She dissapeared for a few days, and some asshole told me "she left her family, and now she's leaving you. that's just how she is". I said noooo she has to come back. Apparently I was a schoolkid in my dream, because some short guy with obnoxious facial hair asked me if I was going to the dance, and I said I might. He started follwing me around everywhere, annoying the shit out of me, and then out of nowhere Susan(or whatever her name was, I forget) ran up behind me, gave me a big hug, squeezed my butt and then picked me up like a macho-man. It was funny I was laughing through the rest of the dream. Happy Ending, reunited and it feels so good!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
First Dream Post
I I have some fucked up dreams. Last night’s themes were: gross, violent, celebrity.I was in a bathroom at the airport-disgusting, damp, sticky type of dirty bathroom. It was full of photographers and other types of parasites because Prince Harry was taking a leak. I actually had the use the bathroom. My purse touched the floor-HORROR. I had to buy a new one. I wander a bit looking for a kiosk and eventually I’m in a mall(?) instead of replacing the soiled handbag I see a celebrity and realize she is with actors, not her real children. I get out of the conversation quickly, after staring into a curio cabinet full of unbuyables. Second dream, I get robbed twice, in the same place, by the same guy, he has a sawed off shotgun and I’m sitting in the backseat of someone’s car each time. I ask him if it’s alright to pick my wedgie before I get shot in the face. He says no, but your friend can pick it. I’m like UH…ALLRIIIGHHHT. I’m a fuckin weirdo. Also, most of the guys in my dreams have had beards.
(Dreamdoctor.com)
Dreams of searching for a bathroom to urinate may reflect actual pressures upon one’s bladder during sleep. Do you have to go when you wake up? Defecation dreams also are common in the aftermath of lover’s quarrels and other, intense arguments. Do you feel that someone has been “dumping all their crap” on you?
(I have reacurring dreams of going to the bathroom because I drink tons of water. It really gets in the way of having real dreams.)
(I was trying to replace my soiled purse, am I really trying to find a new vagina???)
(Dreamdoctor.com)
Bathroom
Common setting in dreams for feelings relating to shame and “release of private emotions.” If a dreamer searches for a toilet but can not find a private location (all the shower stalls are exposed, or strangers are present causing the dreamer to be uncomfortable) the dream may indicate fear of expressing one’s “private behaviors” in public. If the toilet area is filthy or flooded, with the toilet bowl backed up or otherwise not functioning, difficulty “eliminating” emotions-a blockage-is indicated. Does the dreamer try to “control” his or her emotions too much?Dreams of searching for a bathroom to urinate may reflect actual pressures upon one’s bladder during sleep. Do you have to go when you wake up? Defecation dreams also are common in the aftermath of lover’s quarrels and other, intense arguments. Do you feel that someone has been “dumping all their crap” on you?
Urinating
Dreams of urinating upon yourself in public (wet your pants) reflect feelings of shame and inadequacy.(I have reacurring dreams of going to the bathroom because I drink tons of water. It really gets in the way of having real dreams.)
Purse
Because they hold our identification papers (driver’s license, social security card, student identification, etc.), money (cash, checkbooks, bank and credit cards), and beauty accessories (make-up, lipstick, personal hygiene items), purses in dreams are associated with feelings of identity, empowerment, and beauty. Dreams of losing one’s purse, accordingly, reflect feelings that one’s identity, power or beauty may be in peril. These dreams are common following a separation or divorce, or after losing a job or enduring a forced transition in one’s career. Purses also may symbolize a woman’s vagina—a location that “opens and closes” and which possesses special value.(I was trying to replace my soiled purse, am I really trying to find a new vagina???)
Celebrity
Symbol of social status and attention. Dreams of friendly interaction with celebrities reflect feelings of increased social status, especially when a celebrity treats us “like an equal.” Attempts to contact a celebrity reflect needs for recognition, attention, and validation in our lives. If we experience difficulty reaching the celebrity, this may reflect unfulfilled desires for status and approval.Gun
Symbol of aggression, anger, power and protection. If the gun fires properly, the dream suggests feelings of power and confidence. If the dreamer is attacking, he or she should be alerted to hostile or angry feelings towards the persons attacked. Being shot at indicates an emotional attack in waking life. If the gun will not fire, or if the bullets are ineffective, feelings of powerlessness are represented. Dreams of being surrounded by people who carry guns can reflect feelings that one is involved with a “dangerous crowd.” Dreams of guns should not be interpreted as precognitive.Car
Common symbol of the self, “the direction we are headed in our lives.” A more immediate symbol than planes, trains and ships (which indicate larger concerns and transitions) due to its ubiquity in everyday living.Best Quotes
“An intellectual is someone who has found one thing that;s more interesting that sex.” Aldous Huxley
“Sanity is a full time job in a world that is always changin And sanity will make you strong if you believe in sanity” -Bad Religion
“Insanity — a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.”
R. D. Lang
“I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity!”
Edgar Allan Poe
“The world is tragic to those who feel and comic to those who think.”
Robert Walpole
“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime.”
-Mark Twain
“Do not speak- unless it improves on silence.” -Buddhist Saying
“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.”
Est-il idiomatique de la traduire par :
“The more one drinks, the more one’s thirsty.”
-Finnish Saying
“On the sly you will reach far, with dancing you will soon be tired”-Finnish Proverb
“Our first teacher is our own heart.” Native American Proverb - Cheyenne
“They are not dead who live in the hearts they leave behind.”Native American Proverb( Tuscarora)
“When the white man discovered this country Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, women did all the work. White man thought he could improve on a system like this. “Native American Proverb, Cherokee
“Treat the earth well: it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children. We do not inherit the Earth from our Ancestors, we borrow it from our Children.”Native American Proverb - Tribe Unknown
“When a man moves away from nature his heart becomes hard. “Native American Proverb, Lakota
“It is better to have less thunder in the mouth and more lightning in the hand. “Native American Proverb- Apache
“Man’s law changes with his understanding of man. Only the laws of the spirit remain always the same. “-Native American Proverb, Crow
“Sanity is a full time job in a world that is always changin And sanity will make you strong if you believe in sanity” -Bad Religion
“Insanity — a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.”
R. D. Lang
“I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity!”
Edgar Allan Poe
“The world is tragic to those who feel and comic to those who think.”
Robert Walpole
“Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime.”
-Mark Twain
“Do not speak- unless it improves on silence.” -Buddhist Saying
“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.”
Est-il idiomatique de la traduire par :
“The more one drinks, the more one’s thirsty.”
-Finnish Saying
“On the sly you will reach far, with dancing you will soon be tired”-Finnish Proverb
“Our first teacher is our own heart.” Native American Proverb - Cheyenne
“They are not dead who live in the hearts they leave behind.”Native American Proverb( Tuscarora)
“When the white man discovered this country Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, women did all the work. White man thought he could improve on a system like this. “Native American Proverb, Cherokee
“Treat the earth well: it was not given to you by your parents, it was loaned to you by your children. We do not inherit the Earth from our Ancestors, we borrow it from our Children.”Native American Proverb - Tribe Unknown
“When a man moves away from nature his heart becomes hard. “Native American Proverb, Lakota
“It is better to have less thunder in the mouth and more lightning in the hand. “Native American Proverb- Apache
“Man’s law changes with his understanding of man. Only the laws of the spirit remain always the same. “-Native American Proverb, Crow
Reacurring Themes, Cool Ideas, Shaun White Impersonator
Celebrities, parties, bars, punk shows, christmas lights, dirty/out of order bathrooms, fingernails falling off, teeth falling out, family&food&gatherings, broken electronics(a microwave with a door that wouldnt close, but played music, so I had to cook all these little cheesy balls in the toaster).
Good ideas I need to remember: a magnetic speaker thats kind of wall mountable, something that could stick to a refrigerator door, and tiny little gold chains on gold braces, like those jewelry chains that people in the 90s wore from their nose to their ear. My sister had some blinged out braces. I want some.
I also dreamt I was about to walk down somebody’s basement steps, opened the door, and some guy was dressed like Shaun White. I got pissed and was like dude there’s only one Shaun White, and you are not him. It really bothers me when people try to completely steal someone else’s look. It’s one thing to pay tribute to somebody at their concert or performance, but to dress like that everyday seems weird. I’d like to know what that guy is like without the striped orange and red v-neck shirt and white plastic sunglasses.
Good ideas I need to remember: a magnetic speaker thats kind of wall mountable, something that could stick to a refrigerator door, and tiny little gold chains on gold braces, like those jewelry chains that people in the 90s wore from their nose to their ear. My sister had some blinged out braces. I want some.
I also dreamt I was about to walk down somebody’s basement steps, opened the door, and some guy was dressed like Shaun White. I got pissed and was like dude there’s only one Shaun White, and you are not him. It really bothers me when people try to completely steal someone else’s look. It’s one thing to pay tribute to somebody at their concert or performance, but to dress like that everyday seems weird. I’d like to know what that guy is like without the striped orange and red v-neck shirt and white plastic sunglasses.
Plans For The Year
2 years ago I couldn’t even take care of a houseplant because I never opened the blinds in my room.Last year I hardly left my house because of paranoia. Ionly went running in the park because I had extremely scary energy that never exhausted itself. I have been on meds for a solid year. I’m really proud of that because I have never been able to stick to a treatment plan long enough to see how it pans out, I would always give up after the first side effects appears. I’ve been in treatment for depression(although now I’m schizo-effective)since I was 15. Now that I can live outside a cocoon, it’s time to make shit happen!
Currently: Looking for a job, after I start making money and build up my savings I’ll buy a car and be mobile. If I can find a cheap apartment in a neighborhood that doesn’t scare the shit out of me, I’ll have my first place. But I’ll have to build up my credit first from buying a car. I really don’t want to rely on a boyfriend and/or gal pal to split the rent, I want to do this on my own. Still not sure when I’ll start college, I guess I could probably enroll for summer classes, since I have funds my grandparents set aside a long time ago.
Currently: Looking for a job, after I start making money and build up my savings I’ll buy a car and be mobile. If I can find a cheap apartment in a neighborhood that doesn’t scare the shit out of me, I’ll have my first place. But I’ll have to build up my credit first from buying a car. I really don’t want to rely on a boyfriend and/or gal pal to split the rent, I want to do this on my own. Still not sure when I’ll start college, I guess I could probably enroll for summer classes, since I have funds my grandparents set aside a long time ago.
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